Article – HuffPost Living: 13 Ways To Get Over A Breakup
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13 Ways To Get Over A Breakup
Breakups hurt. Period. For anyone who has been dumped (or has initiated the breakup), there’s nothing more annoying than having others tell you to “get over it and move on.”
Getting over a breakup is never easy, and if you’ve spent months or years invested in someone emotionally, socially and even financially, it can be hard to picture yourself with someone new — or alone. And although breakups tend to leave a lingering negative feeling for the first little while, moving on means letting go and doing things for yourself, says clinical hypnotherapist and author Colin Christopher.
In terms of a time frame on how long it takes to get over an ex, we’ve heard everything. Some say it takes over a year, others say 18 months while a popular theory suggests it should take as long as the duration of your relationship. But in reality, there are no set terms.
The period of being single again should allow you to not only rediscover yourself, but also to start learning when it’s the right time to get back into the dating world.
Not sure where to start? Christopher has put together some of his tips on how to get over your breakup (and your ex) for good:
Get Out Of Your Negative Thinking
Most people going through a breakup are constantly reliving and thinking about all the negativity in their lives and within themselves, says clinical hypnotherapist and author Colin Christopher. So, instead of giving up on love or lowering your self-esteem, spend 10 minutes a day reciting positive thoughts to yourself. “For example: ‘I am strong, confident, attractive and make a great life partner.'”
Take A Break
Don’t jump back into the dating pool so soon. Take some time to recover from your breakup before seeing someone new. “This isn’t a race and only you will know when you’re ready,” Christopher says.
There’s no reason to ride the emotional roller coaster alone. Seek support by talking to your close friends, family members or a therapist. You can always browse groups on Facebook or online forums to see if anyone else is experiencing the same thing (and know that they will be!).
Do Something Fun
When was the last time you had fun by yourself or with someone other than your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend? “Immediately following a breakup, do something you really enjoy doing. It could be mountain climbing, exercising, bird watching, taking that trip to Europe with your best friend or whatever,” Christopher says.
Don’t Play The Blame Game
Whether you feel the breakup was a result of your actions or something your ex did, stop playing the blame game. See this breakup as a learning experience and put the focus on moving on instead.
Learn To Let Go
When you’re fresh out of a relationship, there is a tendency to reread old emails, love letters and even try to accidentally have a run-in with your ex. Don’t do this. “The best way to move on is to forget about him or her altogether. Delete old emails, take them out of your contacts list and don’t spy on them on Facebook.”
Focus On The Future
The best thing about breakups is that they allow you to go into a new relationship with a new mindset. “When you’re ready to move on, think about what your life looks like next year at this time. Define what you really want,” he says. Christopher suggests writing down what your ideal mate looks like and activities you would want to with them — it’s fine to get excited about dating again.
Don’t Hook Up With An Old Fling
When you go through a breakup, that feeling of being wanted and needed is absent, especially sexually. “Many people have a tendency to contact a long lost ex who knows them well and could make them feel comfortable and wanted again,” he says. While this might seem like a good idea, it will actually hold you back from moving on.
Get Out of The House
It’s easy to stay inside and disconnect yourself from the world — or spend hours filling your social media feeds with sappy quotes and video clips. “This perpetuates feeling lonely. Get out with friends/family at least three times in a week doing something social (work doesn’t count), so you’re not home alone feeling bad,” Christopher says.
Make New Friends
Your current friends can be an excellent support network, but this doesn’t mean you can’t add new faces into your life. Hit up a bar with your besties, join a new community group or join a local gym to meet new people.
Speaking Of The Gym..
“Exercise can rejuvenate your body and can release endorphins that make you feel better and improves your energy levels to help you feel better about yourself faster,” Christopher says. You can also try meditation, yoga or a boot camp class to challenge and distract you.
Stay Away From Those Rom Coms
You may think “The Notebook” and other relationship movies give you solace, but they are movies and not real life, Christopher notes. “They are no substitute for interacting with real people and getting out into the real world and building your own happy ending.”
Let’s face it, a lot of us can suppress our feelings or feel better when we’re drinking alcohol in large quantities. “Many times you may feel better when you are drinking; however, alcohol is a depressant and any short term euphoria you feel will be dashed by the feelings of loneliness or a hangover the next day.”